I love you as much as you love him, or even more. I wish I could see you everyday too, but I can’t.
I look forward to you keeping the promises you made to me but when you don’t, though I am disappointed and angry at you, I have never given up on you.
When you were much younger, we did everything together. We spent everyday, every possible second together. You’d tell me everything that happened, from the little gossips you had in school to the opinions you thought of your teachers' clothes. I listened to you and I loved it when you told me things.
Once, you were told to talk about your favorite person. You said it was me.
But when you grew up and had wider circles of friends, you unconsciously left me behind. I would not say you forgot me, but you have to admit, you never thought of me as much as you used to. I was naturally upset.
I tried to close the gap between us. I used ways like “grounding”, “spot-checking”, “curfews” , hoping to bring us closer back together. Sadly, it didn’t work. Instead, it pushed you further away. I tried to probe a little now and then in our already very strained and minimum conversation, hoping you would tell me a little of your life - which is now so foreign to me. I know you don’t like to be home early and I have never once shut the doors but always, lying half-awake on the bed, waiting for your footsteps when you come home to be assured that you are fine.
One day, after a huge dispute over something minor, you moved out. You told me you hated me. You hurled hurtful words. Then you left. You told me you never wanted to hear from me again.
I was so upset. I was so sad. On impulse, I told you to never come back if you left. In my heart, I was hoping that you would say you are sorry and that you wished to stay. But you did not. You said “fine” and took off.
I called you every night after you left. During first few months, I was hoping that the conversations could be pleasant and long . But no, it’d always end up with anger. After all the disappointments, I still want to hear from you. I still want to let you know, no matter where you are, you are still a part of me and I want so much to be a little part of you.
So, the conversations shortened. Much as I would love to hear your voice and prolong the conversations into happy topics, I realized, I should stay as minimum as possible to not spark another fire between the now already badly-burnt us .
Once or twice, I’d bring back the same topic that you wish so much to never hear. “When are you coming back?” Immediately after the words left my mouth, I regretted. I know I’d ignite another flame between us. But I hope you understand, it was because I missed you dearly.
We no longer talk as much as we did before. Mostly because you don’t want to talk to me (I think) and I don’t know what to say to you- that wouldn’t cause any more friction between us.
I just want you to know, no matter what you’ve done, what happened in the past, how much hatred you have for me, I love you and I won’t give up on you. My arms had and always will be open for you. I love you.
Credits to Joyce.
Edited by me as there was some grammer mistakes.
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